My Journey Finding Surrender

People have been talking about quarantine for at least the past 6 months and how it has affected them. As for me, I have felt the effects of quarantine far before it even started and COVID 19 was just the icing on the cake for me. It all started in May 2019 when I awaited news that I long had been waiting for a positive pregnancy test. It was something I had been anticipating for two years. Little did I know the journey ahead of me or the growth that I would go through

Fast forward a month later and pregnancy symptoms kicked in but with that, I started to bleed and sure after that, I was in bed rest for both my health and the health of my baby. Those who know me very well know I am a type of person sitting still is like killing me and since I was forced for medical reasons I had no choice but to embrace the reality of the situation and the fact that I won’t be able to be me. Imagine how difficult it is to not be your normal self! It soon kicked into me I have a choice either to surrender to the situation or cry and moan about the situation either way I am going to be on bed rest no choice about it. So I choose to surrender something that I knew so little about and something that I was not used to, I am the type of a person my motto in life is “when there is a will there is a way “ so you will find me fighting until I find a way.

I knew with this there was no fighting, little did I know that this was all in preparation for me to learn a life lesson a big one must I say a lesson that I am still learning to master. Months past by on my bed and it was such a difficult time for me for my soul was so free so wanting to fly yet my body couldn’t handle. I asked my self-laying on the bed what can I do to free my soul. It was time to put what I preach to practice. I teach people to reprogram their brains through their thoughts and words and visualization and that is exactly what I did. I used to wake up and lay down close my eyes and listen to white noise the sound of a plane cabin and imagine I was in a plane flying. I would visualize the food on the plane, and I asked someone to get me those self-care packs in the airplane. I used to smell the perfume that was in it so I can use my senses to help enhance my visualization and I pretended to arrive at my destination and would also use YouTube videos of walking tours of the city and visualize the city and then would look for a hotel and see pictures of it and pretend I was there. It made me feel free and I would repeat it on a daily bases sometimes more than once to different destinations.

By the time I was almost done with my pregnancy I had traveled the world in my mind. By week 37 of pregnancy yet another test was coming along to teach me again but this time even harder how to surrender. My husband and I got the news that my husband would have to travel to Canada at any minute and might not be at my delivery. I needed him to be there! How could this be ?! Being all alone isn’t an option! Then I soothed myself by saying that my firstborn was born at 38 weeks so my second born should be extremely near let me try to do all the things I can to get this baby delivered. Oh boy did I do everything and this baby didn’t want to come out. This baby was so comfortable that I was 41 weeks and still pregnant and my doctor said ‘if you do not give birth naturally in three days you are going to be induced’. Again I went back to the things I preach and I know for a fact as long as want it and become anxious about it, it won’t come. So I had to relax as much as possible and let go of it and surrender only then did my labor start. As fast as it started as quick it was over once I surrendered.

Then came COVID 19 and if I didn’t go through that year and learn to surrender I wouldn’t be able to make it through the quarantine and still surviving. So the biggest lesson I have learned during my absence from writing was the power of surrender and how to understand it, it is a process and journey that to this day I am learning. When I talk about surrender people say surrender is a weak thing and is for the weak. In reality, surrender is the highest form of strength and power in letting go of control. It takes strength and power to do all that you can do and give it to a higher power to perfect it and make it be and have the trust that what you are going through serves a higher purpose and is needed for your growth to align you to what your true purpose is. Surrender is never defeating. It is never a weakness. It is never a failure. Surrender is giving up the idea that we need or should manage a situation that isn’t in our control. Once a true form of surrender is present only then you will feel a great sense of ease, relief, and peace. So if anything I can say to you during these tough times is surrender. Let things just be and trust that things will work out as destined.

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